Senior Year: Half Way

I have officially completed a semester of my senior year! It is so crazy that I only have 147 days left  before I am a high school graduate. I have spent most of this semester putting together college applications, scholarship applications and keeping my grades up. People were not kidding when they said that it would move super  quick . I am still trying to realize that I am half way through.

So far this year, I have learned so many things about myself, what I want out of life and how to grow up. Its been strange to be in this position as I have gone to pep rallys, football games, college presentations and many other school events. As I have played in orchestra concerts I’ve realized that they were my last ones, that it is all almost over. It doesn’t really hit me as I go each day but sometimes I will be sitting in a class and realize that this, my little world, is about to end as I move onto adulthood . Everything I know is shifting and growing with me. It is very weird.

Am I a fan of high school? No way, but there are some things I know are going to be hard to say goodbye to.  I love my friends so much and don’t want them to leave, but some are leaving out of state for school, others on missions but I will be here in Arizona. As for school itself, the only class I know I will miss is orchestra. To have been under the instruction of such an amazing teacher has been such a blessing.  Though I am going into a music field, it still wont be the same. I am going to miss that class a lot.

It’s a little difficult to think about life a year from now because I don’t want to accept the fact that I have to confront change. I HATE change. Change causes me a lot of stress and worry because I am the type of person who needs a plan.  When I deal with change, my plans usually hit the garbage. All the things I thought would happen are now altered or deleted. Life is funny that way.

Next semester is going to be an interesting whirlwind full of  endings , preparation and new beginnings but I am so ready for it. Though I am completely terrified of growing up, I can’t wait to see what is in store for me over the course of the last 18 weeks of high school.

Bring it on.

Finding Light in the Mist of Darkness

Unfortunately , no one is immune to trials.It is a part of life that we all agreed to before we came to this world and its something that can’t be taken away. I have found as I have faced trials that there is a reason behind everything.  I don’t always see it, but there’s something that will strengthen me in each situation.

The past few weeks have been very rough. I have stumbled and fallen as I have been pressed upon. One night, I found myself on my knees, a sobbing mess, pleading with my father in heaven. The sobbing was so intense, I could barley utter a word and took about 25 minutes to pray for a prayer that should’ve taken 5 minutes max.  I found myself pleading to God to just end this trial that I have been facing for quite sometime. I was so discouraged. I have come to terms with the fact that this specific trial is here to make me stronger but it exhausts me. On this specific night, I couldn’t help but feel a bit angry towards my father in heaven . I have pleaded so many times for this burden to be lightened but it seems like its just  gotten heavier. Then, I was reminded that when Christ was in Gethsemane , he pleaded for relief, but what he went through needed to be done. Christ went through his trial so he could know what mine would feel like and how to heal me. I am being molded for something greater an I shouldn’t be angry about it. I should be rejoicing. Just because it isn’t getting easy, doesn’t mean I’m alone or unloved. There is so much more than the now.

What’s so fantastic about my trials is that I am starting to see them as building blocks for my testimony. I am able to draw closer to my savior as I push through the darkness. The light is him and his gospel. Do I wish I could learn these principles another way? Absolutely, but luckily , I have come to realize that the lord has a certain path that I need in order to grow. Finding that light isn’t always easy but as I have clung to it, I have found how to make the best out of my trials. There is always an opportunity to turn to him. I can always rely on him to be my guide and comforter  and that’s what brings the light to clear the mist of  darkness.